You Show Me the Way
by underourfeet
Summary: When things go bad in the war against Voldemort, Harry wants what no one will give him: the harsh and unyielding truth. And then, he gets it. (old story, not so great)


Disclaimer: I own nothing. All characters belong to J.K. Rowling.

Sometimes at night, when the rest of the castle and the rest of the world is asleep, I lay awake, and I listen to the silence, and I think. About my life, about fate… about him.

He was my rock. He was the only one who knew me better than I knew myself, something I didn't always appreciate. He could push me into waters where no one else dare tread, and though his words were hurtful, they weren't without reason. Severus was there for me in more ways than I ever knew I needed. For a long time, he was Snape to me. Gradually, as the war drew onward, he became Severus, my mentor. I don't know when he started meaning so much more to me, but it happened, and I loved him, something I never considered possible by anyone, let alone by Harry Potter, his most hated student.

My world came crashing down on me the night Hermione's family was slaughtered over winter break, my best friend included. I saw the massacre in a vision as it happened, and woke up screaming in my bed. I didn't move from that spot for days and refused to talk to anyone, even Ron. Then Severus came to visit me.

"You honestly thought everyone would survive this war intact, Potter? It makes perfect sense that she would be the first to go, being muggle born and best friend of the Boy Who Lived."

Rage like nothing I had ever felt built up inside me so quickly it was frightening. Untamed magic swirled around us in the dormitory, throwing furniture and books about the room. I stood up and looked at Snape, and to my disbelief I saw something like triumph flash in his eyes before they became as hard as the onxy that they were once again. This did nothing but anger me even more. Before I had a chance to say anything, Snape cut me off.

"You know it's the truth, Potter. You've known the risks of keeping them close since the war began, and even before that." He stepped closer, a flying book barely missing the back of his head. His eyes narrowed. "I had been counting on your Gryffindor recklessness to show itself before now. I had thought you would want to avenge Ms. Granger's death. Apparently, I overestimated you."

My fist lashed out and I hit him across the side of the face. He staggered backwards, surprise evident on his features. My fury drained out of me as I realized what I'd done. He appraised me as he held his hand to his cheek, and after a few moments nodded.

"That will do, Potter."

He left, and even his cape billowing behind him seemed somewhat muted. But I got up out of bed that day, and I began to prepare for what I knew was inevitable, but what I had just learned to accept. I had a destiny. I could put it off as long as I wanted, but I would only end up in the same place, but with more casualties than were necessary. Severus helped me realize this. The first place I went after a shower and a hot meal was his office. He let me in without comment.

As I got to know him more as a person, and less as Snape, I found that the man had genuine feelings. That's not something that should have surprised me, but it did nonetheless. He had admired Hermione for her intellect, if not her bossy demeanor, and had felt honest regret over her death. I can't imagine how he must have felt, demeaning her in order to get me out of my funk. He always did things like that, sacrificing himself and his conscience in order to help me survive.

I started spending my spare time with him in his dungeons. Ron told me I was going to become the 'greasy bastard' if I kept on like I was, but I didn't listen to him. He hardly talked anymore anyway, and eventually left Hogwarts to spend precious time with his family. Severus's sitting room became my haven, and his bookshelves my getaway. He'd train with me -- defensive spells, dark curses, shielding, even potions -- then we'd retire to the sitting room and he'd recommend a book from the thousands on his wall. Once he fell asleep grading papers, and his head dropped down onto the desk, and while his face didn't change all that much, I saw a completely different man. He relaxed in his sleep, and his worry lines faded, as did his constant sneer. I saw Severus for who he was: a man with a terrible past and a penance he thought he could never repay. I fell for him then.

We continued training, and the Dark Lord continued summoning Severus to his gatherings. Every meeting he came back in worse shape than the last. I feared that one day he would not be able to make it back at all. I was almost correct.

Waiting in his sitting room, as I was prone to do when he was Summoned, Snape's fire flared green and he came tumbling out onto the hearth, landing on hands and knees. He was covered in grime, and he was throwing up blood. I flooed the headmaster and Madam Pompfrey immediately, and settled Severus on the couch, jostling his body as little as possible. I retrieved a pot for him to retch in and by the time I returned to his makeshift bed he had passed out. I waited for the arrival of the only people who could save him. They were too late. By the time the medi-witch and Dumbledore had come there was nothing they could do.

He never regained consciousness that night, and I never had the chance to tell him how I felt about him. I would give anything now to see him one more time, to tell him thank you, to let him know that I did realize what he'd done for me, and that I wouldn't let him down. I owed him more than I owed anyone in my life, and I had never even seen it until it was too late.

He's the only reason I've even survived this long. My life, my fate, my destiny, whatever you want to call it, all points me towards the same thing. Many would say that thing is Voldemort, but I know better. Severus is my life. And I will win this war for him, no matter what it takes. Then… Then I'll get my chance to tell him.

-Fin-


End file.
